I work as a developer and can so clearly see my self in the shoes of Tom, I guess he reminds me of myself. I can see in your profile that you've written about Tom in July as well so I realize that this is great concern of yours. Of course I don't know the details about your situation, but I will try elaborate my own view.
It has happened to me that I have worked in a MNC in in Scrum projects that are developing on an application that is basically very badly written and the organisation is clueless. The product owners doesn't even understand that the application has bad quality neither why. In such projects it has happened that PM tries to force form and structure (e.g. the better we adhere to scrum, the better the outcome will be). Since time and sprint velocity are easy metrics; it is easier to measure than product quality and user satisfaction, scrum seems a good fit. But in the end it just makes people miserable. Some people demand structure, some people choke on it. When I work on an uninspiring project and there is too much structure I hate it, the structure removes the possibility to do the large stuff that is needed (refactoring, performance improvements, redesign etc).
In the end the structure should just be treated as means to deliver great software. It seems Tom is not satisfied with his situation, maybe you can try to find out why? He seems involved in the project in that he does try to improve the software by making his own contributions. I think that if he isn't satisfied, more structure might, maybe slowly, in the end either make the both of you miserable or lead to one of you leaving. Maybe he needs to mature a bit, maybe you both do or maybe just the organization sucks? Is Tom satisfied and working his dream job? Are you? You've got the "rubrik cube" in your lap; your imagination might help you solve it; maybe you are both human and need to realize that?
At least to me, a great project manager is not someone who just enforces a tight structure, but someone who is involved, someone who genuinely cares about the quality of the project and likes to work together with the both users and other project participants; a good listener.